Post by Mr. Game & Watch on Apr 28, 2020 20:05:16 GMT -8
The show opens to a pitch black screen. For the first couple seconds, it gives off the impression that it’s building up to something. After a couple minutes though, it seems more like an error. Soon, muffled noises arise. Suddenly, a crash.
“Oh, hey! Big Top! The lens cap was still on!” a fuzzy voice echoes into the void of noise. The removal of the lens cap was like waking up from a coma with MC Ballyhoo’s gigantic orange lips hovering over your face.
“… How long was it on there?”
With a curious countenance, Ballyhoo pulled out his phone. “Hey, so, we just found out that we left the lens cap on. How much of our broadcast was affected?”
“The MC Ballyhoo Variety Hour. You haven’t heard of us!? We’re the biggest names in showbiz! Yes, I’ll hold.”
“Only three episodes? That’s not right… We’re filming our 450th episode right now!”
“… Oh… oh no…”
The screen cuts to black once more. Suddenly jpegs of fireworks appear followed by a sticker on a Popsicle stick depicting MC Ballyhoo with his arms gleefully thrown up into the air. A kazoo blares. “WOO! It’s the 450th episode extravaganza!”
The camera cuts to their talk show set, though the guest couch is clearly singed and a gigantic bite was taken out of MC Ballyhoo’s desk. The man himself was laughing manically as their catchy trumpet based theme song blared. The camera did a few sweeping shots to get multiple angles of the withered set, a new deformity passing by with each second.
“AH HA HA HA! Welcome back ladies and germs! Boy, do we have an episode for you tonight!”
“Having an episode at all is a nice change of pace…”
“Aw, I’ve missed you too, Big Top! Now isn’t the time for pleasantries, though! Now is the time for battle!”
The scene cuts to a title card, Mario sleeping with his adorable little night cap on. A thought bubble begins to sprout out of his head. Like lightning striking, a brass bell slams onto the image, releasing its iconic ring before the title reveals itself in big bold letters.
DREAM BATTLE
“Ah! Everyone’s favourite segment! I know we just finished off our special Life Sphere Throwdown Tournament, where we deemed Big the Cat the theoretical King of the Life Sphere. Now that we know who’s the strongest though, I thought we could return to our vanilla programming!”
“Y’know, for a show titled ‘Variety Hour’ we seem to do the exact same thing every episode…”
“Well! Let’s crank up the variety then! Instead of Life Sphere citizens, how about we pit two of our greatest enemies into a theoretical battle! Utilizing our combined knowledge and experience spectating fights in the Sunshine Stadium, Big Top and the Master of Catastrophes will determine who would win in a battle between Ridley and Galacta Knight!”
“Doing the same thing but with different people. So original.”
“My thoughts exactly! I’m glad we’re on the same wavelength! Now, those of you at home might think this is an easy win for Ridley, but let me remind you that Galacta Knight holds one of the few weapons that can kill someone on Li! No trophy, just curtains for you, m’boy! I think Galacta Knight has this one in the bag!”
“Does it kill people though? Remember that one time when he used it on King Hippo and he was found alive and well in a dumpster somewhere?”
“Well, with King Hippo, he got better! Anyone else though, you’ll be the next kabob craze!”
“Right, because as we all know, if there’s anyone that’ll obey the rules of death, it’s Ridley.”
“Could it be!? The first time in Dream Battle history we’ve come to a draw!?”
“No, you just can’t accept that Ridley would grind Galacta Knight into the nearest wall until there’s nothing left to grind.”
“Ridley’s too big! He can’t fit into Dream Battle, ergo, he’s disqualified!”
“Jump!” a hammer bro hectically shouts across a massive chasm. At the other end of the crevasse stands a koopa with a herd of yoshis stampeding over the horizon. The closer the reptiles get, the more the ground trembles. It’s clear that the koopa has no choice but to heed his friend’s advice.
The shelled survivor takes a leap of faith, but falls short by a long shot. The camera angle only shows the turtle disappearing below ground level, so as to avoid any graphic content.
“Embarrassing, right?” the narrator asks as the hammer bro points and laughs at the space where the other koopa used to be. “Being a cool guy, you would have remembered to pack your Baby Yoshi, right?”
The scene resets, the koopa now wearing sunglasses and a flowery collared shirt. When the hammer bro shouts this time, the koopa replies with a wave of his hand and a “pfft.” The koopa pulls out a Baby Yoshi from his shell and makes the same jump. This time though, the little creature bloats like a hot air balloon and floats him safely to the other side. The koopa raises his hand, implying that the hammer bro should talk to it and walks off with the deflated Baby Yoshi under his arm.
It ends with a close-up of the Baby Yoshi, who shrugs and mutters “it’s a living.”
Baby Yoshi, BUY NOW!
“And we’re back! Nestle in folks, we have a sudden news bulletin! Down in Evershade Valley, an object belonging to Farle is under attack! If you’re up for a good Starvia smack down, then look no further thrill seekers! Oh! And keep quiet about it! Farle doesn’t want anyone to know about this!” In that moment, something clicked in Ballyhoo’s head and he looked directly into the camera with a stunned expression. “Oops!”
“Don’t worry, no one watches this show anyways…”
“Well, no one watched episodes 4-449, now that we’re back on the air we’ll get millions of views!”
“The Life Sphere only has 8,000 residents.”
“Oh, they’ll have to watch a lot of re-runs then! Anyhooo! In celebration of Dharkon’s defeat, Shantae will be hosting a dance competition to jive that pesky trauma away!”
“Who’s Dharkon? What happened?”
“I dunno, it sounds like it was horrific, but if we weren’t invited to spectate then it must not be that important! In addition to Shantae’s stylings, Waluigi is rumoured to be co-hosting this event! I’m telling you right now folks, if you can’t take the heat you better stay out of the kitchen! This sultry duo has some seductive moves!”
“Hmm… something about this event seems familiar…”
“Shush, Big Top, some of us try to forget what happened on Gunship Absolution!”
The screen transitions to a scene within a generic looking bedroom, a black silhouette lying underneath the covers. MC Ballyhoo’s head slowly rises over the edge of the bed. The black silhouette wakes up and cartoonishly runs away, Ballyhoo pursuing after whilst pointing a microphone at his target. The title card stamps over the scene.
CATCHING UP WITH:
“AH HA HA! Yes, tonight we have quite the esteemed guest! We’ve been hinting at it since the very first episode, but we finally got Shade!”
“It’s been 450 episodes! Let the joke die!”
“Oh, Big Top! You caught me! It’s a joke of course, we’ve already interviewed Shade!”
“Ah, I gotcha, they couldn’t know since we don’t have the footage.”
“What!? No, we did interview him! Remember!? He was looking good too! Giving up that whole ninja thing has really done wonders for him!”
Big Top returned a blank stare.
“C’mon! You gotta remember! Big bushy white hair, kinda flamboyant, I mean, at least I think he’s trying to be. He was still kind of dead eyed and monotone. Maybe he saw a ghost or something!”
“… That was Shade?”
“I think he was going by a different name! Can’t remember! Anyways! Onto my main point! All of you at home; you are invited to partake in our studio audience! Should you be lucky, you might be selected as our special guest for an interview! We’ll be asking the pressing questions! Not only that, you’ll be on TV with your favourite Life Sphere celebrities!”
“We have the budget for celebrities?”
“Oh, silly Big Top! Always so humble, we’re the celebrities!”
“Humble… yeah, let’s go with that…”
“Don’t you worry, folks! Big Top is much nicer in person! Just submit your application below and you’ll win a free pair of tickets to visit this very set!” Ballyhoo announced with a slam of his fist on the desk. The mere impact caused a stage light to plummet from the ceiling and smash to bits on the floor in front of him. “Don’t forget to sign that handy-dandy health waver before submitting!”
“That’s all we have for tonight, folks! Remember to recycle your items, wash your pets, and… that other third thing that people tell you to do! Good night!”
Application:
If you would like to be featured in a future episode, please fill out this application and post it below:
“Oh, hey! Big Top! The lens cap was still on!” a fuzzy voice echoes into the void of noise. The removal of the lens cap was like waking up from a coma with MC Ballyhoo’s gigantic orange lips hovering over your face.
“… How long was it on there?”
With a curious countenance, Ballyhoo pulled out his phone. “Hey, so, we just found out that we left the lens cap on. How much of our broadcast was affected?”
“The MC Ballyhoo Variety Hour. You haven’t heard of us!? We’re the biggest names in showbiz! Yes, I’ll hold.”
“Only three episodes? That’s not right… We’re filming our 450th episode right now!”
“… Oh… oh no…”
The screen cuts to black once more. Suddenly jpegs of fireworks appear followed by a sticker on a Popsicle stick depicting MC Ballyhoo with his arms gleefully thrown up into the air. A kazoo blares. “WOO! It’s the 450th episode extravaganza!”
The camera cuts to their talk show set, though the guest couch is clearly singed and a gigantic bite was taken out of MC Ballyhoo’s desk. The man himself was laughing manically as their catchy trumpet based theme song blared. The camera did a few sweeping shots to get multiple angles of the withered set, a new deformity passing by with each second.
“AH HA HA HA! Welcome back ladies and germs! Boy, do we have an episode for you tonight!”
“Having an episode at all is a nice change of pace…”
“Aw, I’ve missed you too, Big Top! Now isn’t the time for pleasantries, though! Now is the time for battle!”
The scene cuts to a title card, Mario sleeping with his adorable little night cap on. A thought bubble begins to sprout out of his head. Like lightning striking, a brass bell slams onto the image, releasing its iconic ring before the title reveals itself in big bold letters.
DREAM BATTLE
“Ah! Everyone’s favourite segment! I know we just finished off our special Life Sphere Throwdown Tournament, where we deemed Big the Cat the theoretical King of the Life Sphere. Now that we know who’s the strongest though, I thought we could return to our vanilla programming!”
“Y’know, for a show titled ‘Variety Hour’ we seem to do the exact same thing every episode…”
“Well! Let’s crank up the variety then! Instead of Life Sphere citizens, how about we pit two of our greatest enemies into a theoretical battle! Utilizing our combined knowledge and experience spectating fights in the Sunshine Stadium, Big Top and the Master of Catastrophes will determine who would win in a battle between Ridley and Galacta Knight!”
“Doing the same thing but with different people. So original.”
“My thoughts exactly! I’m glad we’re on the same wavelength! Now, those of you at home might think this is an easy win for Ridley, but let me remind you that Galacta Knight holds one of the few weapons that can kill someone on Li! No trophy, just curtains for you, m’boy! I think Galacta Knight has this one in the bag!”
“Does it kill people though? Remember that one time when he used it on King Hippo and he was found alive and well in a dumpster somewhere?”
“Well, with King Hippo, he got better! Anyone else though, you’ll be the next kabob craze!”
“Right, because as we all know, if there’s anyone that’ll obey the rules of death, it’s Ridley.”
“Could it be!? The first time in Dream Battle history we’ve come to a draw!?”
“No, you just can’t accept that Ridley would grind Galacta Knight into the nearest wall until there’s nothing left to grind.”
“Ridley’s too big! He can’t fit into Dream Battle, ergo, he’s disqualified!”
“Jump!” a hammer bro hectically shouts across a massive chasm. At the other end of the crevasse stands a koopa with a herd of yoshis stampeding over the horizon. The closer the reptiles get, the more the ground trembles. It’s clear that the koopa has no choice but to heed his friend’s advice.
The shelled survivor takes a leap of faith, but falls short by a long shot. The camera angle only shows the turtle disappearing below ground level, so as to avoid any graphic content.
“Embarrassing, right?” the narrator asks as the hammer bro points and laughs at the space where the other koopa used to be. “Being a cool guy, you would have remembered to pack your Baby Yoshi, right?”
The scene resets, the koopa now wearing sunglasses and a flowery collared shirt. When the hammer bro shouts this time, the koopa replies with a wave of his hand and a “pfft.” The koopa pulls out a Baby Yoshi from his shell and makes the same jump. This time though, the little creature bloats like a hot air balloon and floats him safely to the other side. The koopa raises his hand, implying that the hammer bro should talk to it and walks off with the deflated Baby Yoshi under his arm.
It ends with a close-up of the Baby Yoshi, who shrugs and mutters “it’s a living.”
Baby Yoshi, BUY NOW!
When lifted into the air and jumped with, it will bloat extremely quickly with hot air and float with whoever is holding onto its feet. Don't worry, it doesn't mind. Limit one time use, it will hop away after being used to float you up and land you safely.
“And we’re back! Nestle in folks, we have a sudden news bulletin! Down in Evershade Valley, an object belonging to Farle is under attack! If you’re up for a good Starvia smack down, then look no further thrill seekers! Oh! And keep quiet about it! Farle doesn’t want anyone to know about this!” In that moment, something clicked in Ballyhoo’s head and he looked directly into the camera with a stunned expression. “Oops!”
“Don’t worry, no one watches this show anyways…”
“Well, no one watched episodes 4-449, now that we’re back on the air we’ll get millions of views!”
“The Life Sphere only has 8,000 residents.”
“Oh, they’ll have to watch a lot of re-runs then! Anyhooo! In celebration of Dharkon’s defeat, Shantae will be hosting a dance competition to jive that pesky trauma away!”
“Who’s Dharkon? What happened?”
“I dunno, it sounds like it was horrific, but if we weren’t invited to spectate then it must not be that important! In addition to Shantae’s stylings, Waluigi is rumoured to be co-hosting this event! I’m telling you right now folks, if you can’t take the heat you better stay out of the kitchen! This sultry duo has some seductive moves!”
“Hmm… something about this event seems familiar…”
“Shush, Big Top, some of us try to forget what happened on Gunship Absolution!”
The screen transitions to a scene within a generic looking bedroom, a black silhouette lying underneath the covers. MC Ballyhoo’s head slowly rises over the edge of the bed. The black silhouette wakes up and cartoonishly runs away, Ballyhoo pursuing after whilst pointing a microphone at his target. The title card stamps over the scene.
CATCHING UP WITH:
“AH HA HA! Yes, tonight we have quite the esteemed guest! We’ve been hinting at it since the very first episode, but we finally got Shade!”
“It’s been 450 episodes! Let the joke die!”
“Oh, Big Top! You caught me! It’s a joke of course, we’ve already interviewed Shade!”
“Ah, I gotcha, they couldn’t know since we don’t have the footage.”
“What!? No, we did interview him! Remember!? He was looking good too! Giving up that whole ninja thing has really done wonders for him!”
Big Top returned a blank stare.
“C’mon! You gotta remember! Big bushy white hair, kinda flamboyant, I mean, at least I think he’s trying to be. He was still kind of dead eyed and monotone. Maybe he saw a ghost or something!”
“… That was Shade?”
“I think he was going by a different name! Can’t remember! Anyways! Onto my main point! All of you at home; you are invited to partake in our studio audience! Should you be lucky, you might be selected as our special guest for an interview! We’ll be asking the pressing questions! Not only that, you’ll be on TV with your favourite Life Sphere celebrities!”
“We have the budget for celebrities?”
“Oh, silly Big Top! Always so humble, we’re the celebrities!”
“Humble… yeah, let’s go with that…”
“Don’t you worry, folks! Big Top is much nicer in person! Just submit your application below and you’ll win a free pair of tickets to visit this very set!” Ballyhoo announced with a slam of his fist on the desk. The mere impact caused a stage light to plummet from the ceiling and smash to bits on the floor in front of him. “Don’t forget to sign that handy-dandy health waver before submitting!”
“That’s all we have for tonight, folks! Remember to recycle your items, wash your pets, and… that other third thing that people tell you to do! Good night!”
Application:
If you would like to be featured in a future episode, please fill out this application and post it below:
[quote][b]Full Name[/b]:
[b]Item Bank Account Number[/b]:
[b]Subjects of Interest[/b]:
[b]Topics to Avoid[/b]:
[color=darkgray]BysigningthisdocumentIsweartohandoveralllegalrightsto:actionfigures,posters,mugs,t-shirts,andanyotherknickknacktoTheMCBallyhooVarietyHour(patentpending).IfIamtobeinjuredonsetIclaimallresponsibilitysinceitwasprobablymyfaultanyways.IswearallegiancetoMCBallyhoounderanycircumstancethathegainssupremepowerandsomehowbecomesdictatoroftheLifeSphere.IwillnotreportanysuspiciousactivityonsetofTheMCBallyhooVarietyHour(patentpending)unlessthatsuspiciousactivityisdonebyBigTop.Thisdocumentisnotsketchyandthecourtsarenotallowedtoscrutinizethiswrittendocument.[/color][/quote]
Last Edit:
Apr 28, 2020 20:06:23 GMT -8 by Mr. Game & Watch
