[Mr. Game & Watch]

The flat figure that most have known to be Mr. Game and Watch was pacing pensively through his cluttered mess of an apartment. His home was so… civilian. It reeked of ordinary, something a hero of his stature shouldn’t have to put up with. What can he say though? His popularity was on the decline, people no longer praised the ground he stepped on. He saved the Life Sphere from the Starvia during their last invasion! Did people not care anymore!?

The regulars were slowly coming back, the Links, the Marios, the avatars of distance worlds he knew nothing of. It wasn’t fair. They had their own kingdoms to claim, Mr. Game & Watch had none. Flatzone was not his (not that he tried to convince others that he was a god there or something). In fact, Flatzone was some bizarre world that the silhouette didn’t fully understand himself. Then again, Flatzone was not a place that was meant to be understood. It was a void of a dimension where everything was so simple. There weren’t sides, concepts of good and evil were the first thing that Mr. Game & Watch had to learn when transitioning to this new place. Then came the complications of life having purpose, meaning. The flat man never had a concern of what he would be doing in the next hundred years when within Flatzone. Now he had to concern himself with being the best, becoming a hero by any means necessary. Find place, find meaning in what these three dimensional beings called life. They didn’t offer him a handbook though! How could a being that didn’t understand the definition of purpose supposed to find one on his own!?

That was exactly what he was musing over right now. His attempts of gaining notoriety through the Sunshine Stadium was a bust, again. What was he supposed to do, fight a tiny defenseless child? That was a double-edged sword if he ever heard of one. Beat up the girl and then get low browed by every citizen in the Life Sphere for being ruthless or let the child beat him and be ridiculed for lacking the capacity to knock the wind out of a pre-teen. He chose to ditch and pass a note off to the Life Sphere times saying that he had to personal business to take care of like… He forgot to feed Mr. Gold & Fish. Genius.

Speaking of his beloved pet fish, he/she was watching G&W circle around his room, bleeping and blooping like someone turned on the censor on a mature television show. The mind of the pseudo-fish trying to wrap its brain around how a two dimensional figure was able to walk in a circle to begin with. It probably involved more math than Yami would like to commit to thought, he/she was most likely too busy devising plots to conquer the Life Sphere.

The man halted as he tried to deduce his next plan of action, something that would more than surely make him the star of the show once again. Such thoughts were tossed to the side as the sound of footsteps could be heard outside his door. Who could that possibly be? His adoring public!?

“FALCON!”

Oh no…

“KNAWCK!!!” the energetic police captain bellowed as his fiery fist shattered the door into splinters. He grew a sly smirk as he stood in a heroic stance in the middle of G&W’s doorway. He then promptly kissed his fist and added “I’m too strong for my own good.” Gloating about his physical stature wasn’t the only point to his visit though, so he proceeded to jab his index finger into the general direction of Mr. G&W which just so happened to look like another action pose. “My apologies Mr. Game and Watch, but the Lightweather Hospital has sent me to detain you! If you don’t come quietly, which you have a history of not doing, I will have to-” cue yet another stoic pose “-resort to physical force!”

Game & Watch stood his ground cautiously. Captain Falcon was not one that could be labelled as predictable. Beating up an officer was not exactly something that would earn him street cred, but he would do anything to avoid capture. Lightweather wanted to experiment on him and he couldn’t be the Life Sphere’s hero and all around God if he was stuck in some hospital bed. He had his hammer and sign at the ready, he was not going to be some guinea pig like he was in the Subspace Emissary.

Though before the couple could conduct in combat, a familiar spry plumber leaped out from one of Mr. Game & Watch’s collection of treasure chests/crates. With a snide grin on his face and a bat and tennis racket gripped in each fist, Waluigi stood between the two fighters. “Wheh! Back off cretin and allow Mr. Game & Over to wallow in his stupid misery! It’s about time the Life Sphere’s fallen star burnt himself out! Waluigi worked so hard to get him this far!”

Captain Falcon’s expression quickly switched from battle ready smile to utter confusion. “Wait… what were you doing hiding in Game & Watch’s house?” he questioned as he attempted to scratch his head through his helmet.

“Wha, What’s it to you, Mr. Spandex?”

“Hey! This isn’t spandex. It’s um…” Captain Falcon wore his befuddled expression as he gazed at his own garb. What was his costume made of? “Not spandex!”

As the due argued amongst each other, whatever it was Game & Watch was made of began to boil. Waluigi was the reason he couldn’t get back to his world! A world that made sense, not this deeper meaning reality where there was more to life than just flipping bacon and stealing infinite treasure from a giant octopus. Well, if Game & Watch was now destined to live a life of misery, he would make sure that Waluigi would suffer the same fate.

Due to Waluigi being too busy arguing the semantics of what material Captain Falcon’s cloth is made from, Mr. Game & Watch swiftly delivered a sneak attack against the beanpole plumber. It was akin to a rabid cat leaping onto the face of an unsuspecting child, the two dimensional man beating on the plumber with every blunt instrument in his arsenal, which was more than enough to cause Waluigi to lose grip of his weapons and whilst in the process of trying to peel the flat man off his face, he accidently backed up against a window, which in the crossfire of rapidly moving and spindly limbs shattered, allowing the two of them to continue the fight on the streets below.

Any and all civilians fled in panic because it was a force of habit for Life Sphere citizens to race away from any possible danger in a panic fueled frenzy. The duo of spiteful skirmishers finally broke their grapple as they descended through the air, Waluigi face planting in the ground below like a lawn dart and Game & Watch gently floating down with his parachute.

As the flat man smoothly set down on his two feet his gaze instantly shifted toward the felon, readying a sign and hammer so Waluigi could finally face his judgement. Just before he could waddle over to him, Captain Falcon tackle hugged Game & Watch into submission, the two of them scrapping and rolling on the ground for a good couple of seconds as the flat man attempted to pry himself out of the F-Zero racer’s headlock. “Whoa! Now hold up there! Before we go breaking some more houses!”

“Mmm, no” Waluigi spoke nonchalantly as he swung at the Captain’s head with his golf club. All in all, it wasn’t quite the smart move because that just let Mr. Game & Watch free to leap back onto the plumber’s face and continue to clobber him like nothing had changed whatsoever.

The Captain rose not too soon afterwards, having a massive headache from Waluigi’s attempt at getting a hole in one, however, did not suffer a concussion thanks to his handy dandy helmet, though it had a noticeable crater from where the impact was. Captain Falcon causally walking over to the duo as they continued to scrap with one another and finally just yanked them both by the collar held them away from each other, although they were still trying to run at each other, their rivalry being clear within their eyes.

“I said hold on!” the police captain shouted in order to get their attention again.

“Wheh, Waluigi won’t stop until stupid flat man is a quivering pile of waste!”

Mr. Game & Watch followed that up with a series of chimes that were absolutely undecipherable.

“There’s more than enough misery going around without you causing it, Waluigi!”

“Wha! Like bucket head knows anything about misery! Always leaping around like a fairy and enjoying himself! Waluigi doesn’t know how to make people happy, nor does Waluigi care. Stupid people always happier than Waluigi, Waluigi is all about equality, no one deserves to be happier than Waluigi!”

Hearing the petty woes of the plumber only made Mr. Game & Watch want to strangle him even more. Did he really feel that evening the odds in such a way was in some form of justice? What a mockery of the term! Thinking so much of himself that his only pursuit in life is to make himself feel better! See, in his world Waluigi wouldn’t exist, everyone was content with their roles and no one questioned these sort of things. It only went to show that Game & Watch was right, these higher concepts such as life, purpose, and destiny only made people without any of those miserable.

Waluigi and Captain Falcon continued to squabble until the police captain turned his head to Game & Watch. “Well, arguing with him gets me absolutely nowhere. I won’t be wasting more time! Now, I will only ask you this once again, will you come quietly?”

“Wheh! Captain Lunkhead is wasting his time! Mr. Lame & Watch won’t do squat for you!”

Captain Falcon winced as he attempted to refrain from speaking back to Waluigi. He muttered the words “Don’t feed the troll, don’t feed the troll…”

“Wheh! You’re a troll! Aw, what’s the matter? Can’t fight the guy who chickened out of a match against a little girl!? Oh, look at Mr. Police Captain, no wonder your always cooped up in your office!”

Game & Watch gripped his fists and was prepared to engage in fisticuffs with Waluigi yet again after that last comment of his, to which Captain Falcon shouted in his ear (or lack thereof). “Alright! Knock it off! There are people getting sick each and every day! The Starvia isn’t going to go away on its own! The doctors need Shadow Bugs and you are the only source of them! The more you play hero, the less people you save! Is this what you want?! Is this the life you choose to lead!?”

The three fell silent for a moment and Captain Falcon released the hold he had on the two scrappers. In the instant that Waluigi attempted to butt in with some sort of bitter or vile comment, the police chief knee jabbed the criminal in the stomach, which left him winded for a good while. Though by the sound of it he was still muttering his comments very silently as he tried to catch his breath.

Mr. Game & Watch’s head was hung low as he thought of the oddly wise words coming from Captain Falcon’s mouth. Mr. Game & Watch was never certain what life he was to live. He either rejected the idea of some higher purpose or he followed by example of his fellow smash brothers. He didn’t know any better, he just wanted to strive for what everyone else sought to be the most valuable, to be the best, better yet, a hero. Perhaps his most fatal flaw was not recognizing how Mario and others earned the title of hero and did not simply seek it. Well then, it would seem that there was only one plan of action left in Mr. Game & Watch’s search for fame and glory. It was time that he went with Captain Falcon and give his life new purpose. Perhaps hero of the Life Sphere would be a title returned to him after all the… extractions were done with.

Mr. Game & Watch nodded to Captain Falcon and they proceeded to walk off toward the Lightweather Hospital, where hopefully Mr. Game & Watch would help lead to an eventual cure to the Starvia. He boasted enough times around the Life Sphere that he would be the one to end the Starvia menace. Perhaps it wasn’t such a tall tale.

Meanwhile, Waluigi was still quivering in pain on the ground, gritting his teeth as he wallowed in a ball. “Wheh, fine! Waluigi doesn’t need stupid softies like you two! Waluigi likes Waluigi! Shut up, Waluigi…” the plumber stated as he laid limp on the ground. “…Waluigi so alone…”